CYBER BULLIES BEWARE!

We Are Out to Get You

The fact is that cyber bullying and cyber stalking is on the increase. Why is it so hard to stop this happening or prevent it? I believe it is because the responsibility belongs to all of us to eradicate it, not just the social media platforms. Yes, the social media platform giants need to do far more than they do at present, that is a clear, however we can all play our part.

At work there is constant moaning, negative talk about others and back stabbing. These are the not so nice forms of human communication. When communication is face to face or via email, bullying in the workplace is easier to see, monitor, corrective coach and discipline. Now our communications are more and more online via social media platforms it is far more difficult, if not impossible, for any business to monitor.

So how can we reduce this insidious and unacceptable form of communication taking hold within the workplace?

Firstly we need to take personal responsibility and not ignore it. This form of communication will never go away.It is a sad but true fact that putting people down, ‘having a go’ at people and verbally attacking others is a negative default position for some people. Having a robust social media policy within a company, to ensure this is managed effectively is essential. I also think that understanding where such communication comes from is as important.

Our behaviour and how we structure our communications comes from a deeply subconscious level. When we are interacting and communicating with others we are collecting ‘strokes’.  These ‘strokes’ can be either negative or positive. They are so necessary to our wellbeing that from birth to six months old, if a baby has very minimal human interaction and communication a part of its brain is irrevocably damaged.

We learn in childhood how to get our needs met for these ‘strokes’. Where we cannot get positive ones we find ways to get negative ones, as we must have one or the other. 

Secondly we need to understand negative behaviour. In the workplace when a person is not fully engaged with, and enjoying their work, or where they are disgruntled in any way, they will be seeking and giving out negative ‘strokes.’ In such circumstances they are likely to seek out others to validate their negative thoughts and feelings. Likewise, if people are not getting enough of the positive ‘strokes’ they need from their workplace and managers they may seek positive strokes from excessive socialising.

The problem we now face in the workplace is that interaction on social media provides high levels of both positive and negative ‘strokes’ dependant on what a person is subconsciously seeking.  Due to its accessibility and its connection to millions, people can more easily, quickly and in greater capacity get their ‘stroke’ needs met online rather than face to face. This quick and easy access to the positive and negative ‘strokes’ we need is what makes social media so addictive for many people.

It does this by providing a platform for:

a)      Bullies who are prevented from their destructive activities within the workplace by good policies and performance management;

b)      Bullies who enjoy the power and anonymity of social media;

c)      People to communicate things they would probably never say verbally;

d)      Getting negative feelings validated by others and fueling the negativity more;

e)      People to connect in a positive way to others that gives them  positive ‘strokes’ (e.g. social chat and winning on gaming apps can give lots of positive ‘strokes’). 

The problem is exacerbated by:

·        Bullying behaviour being largely ignored by society;

·        Social media offering easily accessible and anonymous forms of communication;

·        Lack of enjoyable and motivating work (job satisfaction offers one of the highest levels of positive ‘strokes’ available to us);

·        Doing a job you dislike (avoidance of the work is then high with ‘strokes’ both positive – socialising – and negative moaning, backstabbing etc., sought elsewhere);

·        Poor management where negative communications are prevalent, building levels of negativity within others;

·        Lack of performance management regarding bullying, negative communications and behaviour in the workplace.

Some solutions:

1.      If you are being bullied find people who will listen and support you;

2.      Develop a culture of non-tolerance to any form of bullying in or outside of the workplace – name and shame the bullies publically;

3.      Make it easy for people to talk about the bullying - do not hide it or deny it;

4.      Create support for those who are the victims of bullying;

5.      Accept that online and off-line this is human behaviour that you can manage but not eradicated;

6.      Accept that it is everyone’s responsibility to reduce cyber bullying, not just the social media platforms – although in my opinion they still have a long way to go in taking action for their responsibility in this issue;

7.      Accept that it is highly likely that staff will use social media to meet their need for ‘strokes’ if they are permitted to use this form of communication.

8.      Accept that by restricting the use of this very valuable means of communication in the workplace, you will not prevent cyber bullying happening.

 

9.      Understand that as a business, if you have no social media policy, you are still liable for prosecution even if the cyber bullying is done outside the office, without your knowledge and on the persons own computer or mobile equipment;

10.  Make sure you have a robust social media policy in place within your business and that it is well communicated to all your employees and properly performance managed.