5 WAYS TO TAME A DRAGON

How to Manage Difficult Meetings

The other day I had a meeting with the most critical and negative person I have ever met! Do you sometimes have meetings like that and wonder how you could manage it better next time? Then read on…..

I thought we were meeting to find out about our different organisations and how we can work to help our respective clients. Her agenda was about telling me what we are doing wrong and how The Business Loft should change. Phew, was I exhausted when she left and if truth be known very angry at myself for not handling it better.

After meetings like a very good discipline is to reflect on it, turning it into a learning exercise. So I thought I would share the learning I gained from this experience and my reflections of it………..

Firstly, I could have prepared myself with a ‘What If Scenario’. I had briefly met this lady once before, at which time I had noticed her aggressive and negative demeanor. By thinking through a ‘What If Scenario’ I could have prepared a number of questions and statements such as “That’s interesting, why would we need to do that?” or “What would that achieve for The Business Loft given that our objectives are…….?” By planning a few questions I would have avoided my default position in these situations, that of defensiveness.

Secondly, I could have taken control of the communication.  She was definitely on a roll and very used to employing this type of dominant behavior. By thanking people like this for their opinion, early in the conversation, and then taking control, suggesting that we both outline what we want to gain from the meeting would have stopped the negativity progressing. It also gives you the opportunity to say what you do not want and therefore allows you to set a positive agenda.

Thirdly, I could have explored ways of understanding her agenda. This is not an easy thing to do when someone is being rude, aggressive, and critical; attacking something you have created or feel passionate about. However, by really listening and finding ways to understand their needs and even empathise with them, where possible, can be a powerful way of turning the meeting into a very positive one.

Fourthly, if the aggression had continued I could have made “I feel…..” and “I want…..” statements. Everyone has the right to state how they feel and what they want.By making statements such as “I do not feel comfortable with the way this meeting is going, please could you be more positive,” you are holding your personal power. Calling a halt to the meeting, where appropriate, can be useful. By communicating in this way you are true to yourself without putting the other person down. This means of communication appropriately offers the other person the opportunity to change their mode of communication.

Fifthly, follow up with a positive and supportive email. Usually after such a difficult meeting our natural desire is to have nothing more to do with the person.  Alternatively we may have a burning desire to make them see things our way. Neither of these is useful. In business you need to build bridges not destroy them. So be the bigger person and become the builder not the demolisher. By thanking them for the meeting and offering a suggestion to help them progress their agenda you will definitely be building bridges.

One final note though, on the cautionary side. If this was a meeting with a potential client, forget the final stage of a follow up email or phone call. Run like hell! This is a ‘Dragon’ client and one to be avoided at all costs. They breath negative fire at all times, sapping your time, energy, helpfulness and profits.